1. scrub my skin raw
    or just crawl out of it all together
    it doesn’t fit me anyway
    I try to peel it off
    but the blood of shame
    is slick and wet
    I can’t grasp it
    the blood is running in my eyes
    I can’t see a damn thing
    I hate myself
    get it off
    get rid of my skin
    I want to be someone else
    I’m not safe trapped in my own twisted mind
    I want to escape
    but I am fairly certain
    you can’t run from your own thoughts
    everything I see in the mirror
    is everything I hate
    the way she looks
    the way she runs
    the way she hides
    that pathetic look in her eyes
    how is it I can hate myself
    more than I hate you
    when you made me this way

  2. I think I’m becoming a dragon
    my skin has become thick and tough
    from the harsh words of ones who claimed to love me
    my hide is impenetrable
    ask all those who I’ve pushed away
    my words are like venom
    I will shoot them at you like poison darts
    because I refuse to be hunted
    by lies
    I look into your eyes and fear grips me
    fear wakes me up
    and I know I most likely cannot trust any of you
    I’ll hurt you so I can fly away
    to my castle in a dungeon
    far away
    where I hide
    my treasure
    the thoughts that run through my mind
    are buried there and I must protect them
    for nobody will protect me
    yes I’m becoming a dragon
    the last one of her kind
    a fucked up girl in a mystery world
    where tormented emotions
    are pushed into my soul
    until they shoot out as flames
    and burn all those who are too close
    I will not be hurt again
    I will protect myself
    from trusting anyone
    I will not be broken again

  3. you said you would protect me
    you were supposed to wrap your arms around me
    and shield me from the evil of the world
    but you were too busy
    searching for the next bottle
    or closing your eyes to down the one you had a death grip on
    I couldn’t save you
    despite how I tried
    I picked up the pieces
    when you laid on the bathroom floor
    and shielded my baby brother’s innocent eyes
    so he could keep you on that pedestal
    superhero you were
    while I flew beside you in the shadows
    so nobody saw you fall
    I bore the weight of your disease silently
    and I thought I was strong
    but in the blink of an eye
    your disease spread to me
    infecting me like a poison
    crippling me slowly
    so I pick myself up every morning
    so I can pick you up
    make sure you get to work
    that dinner is on the table
    the house is picked up when anyone drops by
    that my baby brother has someone
    to pick him up from school and practice
    to get a gift for that birthday party this weekend
    then I’ll go down another one
    to drown out your stumbling and bumping into things
    to block out your screaming and my own terrible memories
    please stop yelling
    don’t say those things you can’t take back
    please I beg you
    protect me
    don’t turn that hand against me
    that’s suppose to hold me tight
    you’re supposed to right my world
    not tip it upside down when you shove me down the stairs
    but tomorrow your words will linger with me
    playing over and over in my head
    you won’t even remember
    in your hangover stupor
    that you crushed me
    so I will stumble in your footsteps
    begging you to walk straight
    I sadly follow a man who leans for support on another bottle
    so I’ll sneak one away
    you won’t remember how many you had
    or even notice that one of the many is missing
    and I’ll drown my sorrows and pain
    as I have seen you do
    one too many times
    I look in the mirror and cry
    walk a little straighter
    but I can barely stand
    a pathetic excuse of the strong girl I once was

  4. they tell me I’m too young
    to truly understand
    all of life’s troubles
    over and over I hear
    “you just don’t get it”
    the age of my appearance
    betrays the age of my soul
    and all the pain I have known
    with my life marred by secrecy
    the paths that I have walked
    are overgrown with vines
    hidden in disguise
    you only see the life I lead
    through the tiny sliver of light
    I allow to shine upon me
    you have missed the shadows
    that hold the scars
    not yet healed
    that keep invisible
    the demons that plague my life
    you don’t see me hiding in the corner
    injecting myself with the venom
    of my own self hatred
    you stand there willing to judge
    a life you know so little of

  5. it’s easy they say
    put the bottle down and walk away
    too many just don’t understand
    they don’t comprehend
    the struggle
    or internal battle
    an inferno inside your own body
    it’s easy they say
    put the bottle down and walk away
    yet everywhere you go
    it waits in the shadows
    as the subliminal messages are sent your way
    all the little triggers
    you don’t even realize
    assault your senses
    your body craving one small sip
    it’s easy they say
    put the bottle down and walk away
    yet you don’t see how I change
    with just one sip
    I no longer know myself
    morphed into a decrepit version
    of my former myself
    as my demons dance in celebration
    encouraging me to down another sip
    until I’ve lost all sense of self
    I’m no longer in control
    my brain has long since checked out
    as my disease takes over
    destroying all of who I am
    but yet they look me directly in the eye
    no empathy at all
    it’s easy they say
    put the bottle down and walk away

  6. can’t think straight
    my mind is being sucked into that black hole
    into the vortex of twisted memories
    I can never seem to escape
    I try to reel myself back in
    but my thoughts are lost
    and running free
    dragging me to places I wish to never return
    you’re everywhere
    assaulting me
    not just my body
    but my soul is being damaged
    and I’m powerless to stop you
    no where left to run
    in an instant you’re gone
    left alone with my thoughts
    the self hatred
    encloses in on me
    collapsing my breath
    choking me
    in this moment
    when I’m left with your memory
    and the realization that I did nothing to stop you
    I hate myself
    hate what I let you do
    hate that I sat silently
    hate that as much as I hate you, I may hate myself more
    I just want to be normal
    but I guess you cannot move on from something
    you fail to deal with in the first place
    and I hate myself the most for that
    for allowing numbness to rule me
    for dissociating and distancing myself from all
    so I am protected
    no matter how much I dissociate though
    I’m always left alone with overwhelming emotions
    and the thoughts I cannot control
    so it’s at those moments
    I hate myself the most
    for I continue to allow you to still have power over me

  7. just quiet my mind
    can’t handle the sadness in your eyes
    penetrates me to my core
    and my soul aches
    I know I chose to move on
    yet it still breaks me down
    as I stare at the confusion
    you’re mirroring back to me
    I wish I could take you with me
    mend whatever pain you may have
    but know my decision is not due to you or what you have done
    I’m sorry I cannot stay
    but know it hurts me too to walk away
    I never meant to abandon you
    so smile it will be ok
    you will live to fight another day
    and I shall miss you
    think of you often
    and know no matter the distance
    I care
    with every fiber of my being

  8. stronger today
    than I ever knew possible
    you thought you would break me
    but I’ve never been one to stay down
    adversity is a bitch
    but I will never regret all it has done for me
    so thank you to all the pain
    for teaching me I’m never too weak
    to stand on my own two feet
    for giving me the courage
    to use my voice
    to speak for those going through the same pain
    to fight for them and let them know
    never are they alone
    to be able to look them in the eye with conviction
    and say it will get better
    it can change
    no matter how far gone you believe you are
    I will stand by you to help pull you through
    if not for the strife
    I could not believably speak the words to others
    that have begun to heal me
    you also taught me
    that imperfection is beauty
    our flaws show others we are human
    and permit us to connect to them
    from our souls
    and words are not needed
    thank you for all you taught me
    but most of all
    for showing me the power of empathy
    for allowing me to develop a light inside of me
    that can help heal others
    never will I regret what I have learned from the destruction
    rubble can be built again
    we are never permanently destroyed
    by the actions of others

  9. my eyes plead with you
    to see what you are too afraid to acknowledge
    to hear the words I’m too terrified to speak
    as I’m paralyzed
    from the screaming in my own mind
    as it rages a battle against itself
    the blood is dripping on the dark stained wooden floor
    yet you don’t see it
    or maybe you can’t
    or perhaps the darkness from my own soul
    is clouding your vision
    but can’t you hear the incessant plinking sound
    with each droplet that hits the floor
    it’s like the annoying tick of an old clock
    and it is thundering in my ears
    but you seem immune to the sound
    has my own silence enveloped you as well
    I want to break down
    I squeeze my eyes shut
    holding back a dam of tears
    threatening to shatter my soul
    when I open them
    you are gone
    and I sink so slowly to the floor
    it is as if I’m not even moving
    my own shameful blood surrounds me
    maybe this is where I belong
    covered and drowning in the
    silent blood of my own destruction
    for I’ve tore myself down just as much as he did
    maybe more at this point
    is that why you left?
    why you refused to see?
    were you tired of watching me inject myself with my own venom?
    or did you finally see?
    is that why you left?
    did you finally realize I’m….
    are you as repulsed by own existence as I am?
    I hope you don’t return
    then I don’t have to face the answers
    yet if you don’t….
    won’t I forever be alone?
    will I ever find someone
    I can share these thoughts with?
    or maybe I am doomed to hold it in
    to carry the tormented silence
    of a girl who never could
    let someone in long enough
    to see the anguish she held inside
    of memories she could do without

About me

I'm just an average graduated college student, nothing special or extraordinary. I work with amazing kids with difficult lives. My dream is to simply make a difference in a few lives and if I can do that, than I have done something worth while.
My poetry is all written by me. It is all driven by my personal experiences. I speak out in poetry because it's the only place I can and I speak for those who have not been able to find their voice yet.